#04 The Cost Of Being Real And Authentic

Jun 1

Written By Priscilla Roos van Raadshooven

Nowadays, more and more people talking about being real and authentic. Sidney Mohede teaches about "The goal is not perfection, the goal is authenticity." Craig Groeschel repeatedly says that "People would rather follow a leader who is always real than always right." Mike Todds noted, "The enemy of influence is inauthenticity."

What does it mean to be “real” and “authentic”?

Being real means, you are genuinely honest with yourself and others about yourself and your condition. That you are real as a human - who lives on earth with other people. You are not an angel and didn't live in heaven. You have emotion - you can be sad, happy, struggle, feel overcome, and so on. Humans have a dream and a limitation. You can make mistakes. You are perfectly imperfect.

Being authentic means, you are you. You proud of who you are - your skin, your family background, your history, your quirkinesses, and your ability. Accepted all the strengths and weaknesses of yourself. You are not trying to be someone else version. You are not wearing masks. You are just you.

God has made you His masterpiece!

How much it cost of being real and authentic?

Being authentic and real is damn expensive.

Being real may cost you being misunderstood.

When people asked you "How are you?". Just like an autopilot answer - we reply, "Good!" Or "Great!" But, inside of your soul, you know you are in trouble. You just play it safe. Put a mask is more natural. Maybe because you are not comfortable with the people, you don't have much time to explain, you just tired and so many other reasons.

When you are admitting that you are in struggle and don't know what to do, some people said 'you are lack of faith.' 'You are trouble maker,' 'you must be positive and trust God.' 'you don't know how to be grateful' and so on. They judged you because you are trying to admit your feelings. Some people more condemned than listen. People miss understood you. When you denial your reality, it will cost you a mental health problem.

Be honest. Being Jesus's follower doesn't mean denial of your reality. We could be in struggle and honest at the same time. You are only as strong as you are honest. Jesus could handle your humanity, but society is not always could treat you. It depends on what kind of community you have. Jesus is 100% God, and He is 100% human. He knows how it feels.

How honest are you to yourself, to others and to God?

Society and community playing a significant role for the people - Does the people could be real or not. People want to be accepted and contributing to the community. Humans seek belonging. But, not every community is ready to accept people as who they are. There are certain unspoken standards and criteria to be accepted, including in the church - not every church. Church also imperfect.

Sidney Mohede was rejected by so many churches. In the early of his ministry because of his style. His long hair, his music style was too loud, and so on. His guitar was being plugged off because the pastor of that church doesn't like his style.

So do I. I was rejected by the church that I grow up too. I could be myself at The Youth service, but not in Sunday service. They think I was too energetic, too expressive, too much dancing. By the way, at that time, my father is the worship pastor. It doesn't mean the other leader can accept me as who I am. Some people said that my music was like secular music. No anointing. Just jumping around.

There was a time I was scolded by the church coordinator after the service because I'm wearing formal pants during singing. FYI in that era, the female vocalist in the church must wear a blazer and long skirt to sing. It was not common to sing with jeans and sneakers like nowadays. He said, "This is from the devil (wearing pants). I said to him, "So, it means Darlene is from the devil?" (because I know he loves to sing "Shout To The Lord" from Darlene Zchech - Hillsong. They have already sung wearing pants in the church service.) He was so pissed with me. He cannot answer my questions. My worship coordinator comes and helps me out. That night, I called my dad and cry to him. My heart broke. So many times, I don't have a leader or someone who protects me, but God always protects and has my back.

Some churches are not ready to accept this kind of worshipper. Some churches and communities are not ready yet to accept change - new things. How many of you ever been in this sort of situation?

Being real may cost you a rejection.

You will not get the promotion because of who you are. You will not be chosen even thou you have so many great potentials. There's an unseen 'roof' that would stop you from rising. They would not accept people like you to be on the platform or in a leadership position. And if you ask them 'why?' sometimes their answer was not clear. They cover it and sounds like a wise - even using the bible terms. But, the real fact is more about the preference, cultural bias, traditions-bias, and insecurity. It is not based on the truth and the real core competence. In simpler words, they just don't like you because you are different from the group. They are not ready yet for a difference and diversity.

Being inauthentic is cheap and easy.

Being inauthentic will cost your soul.

Just follow what they want. What the society, the community looks like. Adapt and try to change yourself so you could be accepted. Unconsciously we fall into the "approval addiction" - needing other people's approval. The need to be liked, the need for recognition, the need to be accepted, and to be able to contribute. You may end up becoming a people pleaser. You are not you. In the short term, you can do it - being not authentic, but it will cost your soul in the long run.

As I say, some churches also as guilty as the other society - unconsciously force someone to do or to be like they think it should. You must dress in a certain look. You must behave like certain standards. You are not allowed to choose your own song. They' force' you sing certain songs over and over again. You are not allowed to express yourself as who you are. Some of them try to control who you are.

We have the ability to adapt, but it doesn't mean you have to compromise by being someone else version. Lowering down your value. Be like somebody else. If it doesn't suit you, don't do it. If you can't be yourself, they aren't your people.

"You will never, ever be a perception-less. It's important to be perception free." Caroline McHugh.

Like the story of David and Saul. When David wants to fight Goliath. Saul tries to outfitted David as a soldier in armor. David could hardly make a move. Some leaders try to put you to be somebody else. It doesn't mean they are bad people. Maybe it's just because some of them may lack wisdom and understanding about the power of being real and authentic. Some may just forget how it feels to be accepted. Some only follow the previous leader without knowing the reason and 'the why.' Some said because this is the culture (which is they don't know what it means).

God loves to do a 'plot twist.'

No matter what, God able to change our situation. He loves to make a plot twist. Your leader - community, may reject you and try to make you be their version, but God uses that for His goodness. He never wasted a thing in our lives.

If people like Sidney and me at that time, accept what other people say, and just following what the society wants; we become inauthentic - you will never hear our story like this.

When the people try to take you down, put your focus on Jesus and other things - not to them. Set your boundaries. You can't control other people, but you can control your response.

After several years of being faithful serving there (my childhood church) - not realizing that I can't be myself. Because I just too young, naive. I just want to be faithful. Just follow what the leader said without asking the "why" behind all the rules. - God brings me to meet up with the community that accepted me as who I am. During those years, the church was split to 4 other churches, and they can cross the area. ROCK church is one of them who split from my uncle's church. They open their new campus in Jakarta. My father also thought that I would be better if I move under the leadership of Ps. Timotius Arifin. He is my spiritual Father too. In that place, I could be myself. I started leading worship at the night club! The KGC Jakarta Sunday service is at the nightclub - Kama Sutra. Once again, to do something that was not common during that time. If I gave up with the church at that time, if I gave up to try to be myself, what would I be right now? Where would I end up?

So many people still believe in Jesus as their saviour but gave up with the church. So many people were lost because the church is not genuinely accepting people. The said “You lost me!” There are so many young Christians are leaving the church and rethinking of faith. What kind of church you want to be? What kind of people you want to be?

People often think that it's not suitable for the church, it's not always the same for God. People may think that as weakness, rebellious, disrespectful, God said I give you strength, to be visionary and that worthy to be fighting for.

Some people are may not ready for the type of person as you. God's never wrong. He is preparing you for what he has prepared for. He creates us as His masterpiece for a specific purpose. Don't lower your life value just for the sake of wanting to be accepted.

The question is…

Would you pay the price and stay true to yourself?

We will be tested over and over about how we stay true of being real and authentic. When you are changing your workplace, you move to another town, meet up with a new community, you will be tested. Are you real and authentic?

Don’t take acceptance for granted. Just because you are accepted, it doesn’t mean other people could feel the same. Jesus accepts us as who we are - with all of our flaws. Extend your acceptance to others.

People grow the best when they are accepted as who they are. People can achieve their highest potential of life when they are allowed to be themselves. Once again God directed my path. I’m so grateful I had a chance to be under the leadership of Sidney Mohede and Sari Simorangkir. Under their leadership I saw people growing and shine brighter - including myself. The team becomes bigger and brighter because they are allowed to be themselves. JPCC Worship’s influence is getting bigger. Not only as a local church, but globally. Because the leader appreciate and understand about the importance of being real and being authentic. They let us be ourselves. With our own uniqueness. They raising up the generations of stars.

When we want to raise up the worshipper, we need to allow them to be themselves. They will have their own style, their own music, their own language and ways. Our job is to remind them why they do what they do. To help them to be real. To help them find their authenticity. To help them find their unique voice. To let them shine. To cheer them. To empower them to be real and authentic. The goal is not perfection, but the goal is authenticity.

If you are living in the church - community or society that doesn't accept you as who you are, I feel sorry for you. I know it’s hard and not easy. You can’t change them. What you can do is to inspire them and be the example. Be the person - be the leader you want to be. Because you know that being real and authentic is matter. The way you treat others also matter. “People would rather to follow leader who are always real than always right”

Being real and authentic is damm expensive but it worth it. Because you are God’s masterpiece.

Who’s with me? Let's learn together to always be real and authentic.

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